I didnt say goodbye
by storiesthatneedtobetold
Summary: what happens when devastation hits how will Bernie cope with the day's events as she relives them and attempts to find closure
1. Chapter 1

"Shock again please right clear"

"no still no output right charge again at 250 this time right clear "

"come on don't do this to us please." Raf pleaed with the patient

"right shock again ready clear."

"no sheds still in vf." He really was panicking now

"again shock again."

"Raf mate we've shocked her 12 times I don't want to say it but its been at least half an hour I think the injuries are too bad there's nothing more to do." Fletch said as a lump formed in his throat.

"no we cant stop I promised id save her I cant let her die there must be something right more chest compressions why don't we open her up and do a heart massage or put her on bypas untill shes strong enough someone page miss naylor." He said but no one moved everyone even himself knew there was nothing to be done

"Raf she's gone we cant do anything else. Time of death 22:57pm" tears were now pouring down both Raf and Fetch's face.

After hearing the words everyone hates Raf took off out of theatre hitting the wall on his way out.

"lou could you sort everything out here and get her cleaned up in case the family want to see her. Oh and everyone we did our best we did her proud we all know she would have done the same if she were in out positions." Fletch said as he made his way out to follow Raf who he found just outside tears streaming down his face.

"she's gone Fletch I didn't save her why couldn't I save her." Fletch him self was now crying they both embraced each other as they needed the support.

"I need to go and tell her god how can I tell her this it will break her if she was the one doing the surgery she would of saved her."

"Raf I can do it if you want and I don't think anyone could have her injuries were pretty bad and I know it will be hard but we will just have to be here to support her you did everything you could so don't go doubting yourself you're an a brilliant doctor."

Raf left fletch as he made his way to break the news he always hated going to the families and telling them that there loved one was dead. Every death was hard but this one so much more as he really admired her.

"I'm sorry but we did everything we could" Raf himself was crying as he had to deliver these words about a woman he admired so much he couldn't believe he couldn't save her he wished he could of why out of all the patients he treated did this one have to die.

She didn't say anything she just sat and stared into his face how could she be dead how could her Serena be dead she was bouncing around the ward only hours ago how did this happen. Well she knew how she wanted to know why.

Bernie Wolfe was heartbroken for one of the first times in her life.

"Bernie is there anything I can do for you" Raf could see just how much she was hurting he wanted to do something anything.

"No Id like to be alone." With that she slowly walked to there office and shut the door and blinds behind her.

Once inside she allowed her self to cry she sobbed so much that her body gave way underneath her her heart hurt so mush how could she live without her Serena he wonderful sexy surgeon she just wanted to hold her right now. Time seemed to stand still as Bernie sat and sobbed against the filling cabinet with her knees brought up to herself she was hugging her self.

*tap* *tap*

Bernie's trans was interrupted by the tapping at the door before she could even reply or do anything whoever was knocking at the door just came in she didn't even look at who it was she did it want anyone but Serena. They made there way over to where she sat and cradled her while she sobbed.

Bernie want normally one to show her emotions in front of anyone she classed it as a sign of weakness the only person she had truly ever shown emotion to was Serena. In fact she didn't care who was there or what thy were witnessing she was actually glad for the comfort.

Eventually she looked up to see her wonderful friend dr Copeland. He was just sat there tears in his own eyes as he helped his friend through this.

"Bernie I am so sorry I'm here for you what ever you need." Bernie didn't respond she couldn't she just gave him a weak smile and they sat in silence once again both consumed in there thoughts.

After a while the silence was broken.

"How did you know I thought you were off recovering." Bernie asked as she was very much aware of what went in with Issac.

"I was at home watching my day time tv when the lunch time news came on and I saw what was going on I had to come and make sure everything was okay and then I found out when they started letting people back in."

"Oh right I see"

So much had happened in these past 12 hours ever since her shift started she knew it was going to be a long day. She never expected this is happen though.

" dom not that I don't appreciate you coming here so you mind if I just have some time alone a just….

Before she finished she as cut off by dom.

"Sure don't worry I'll leave you but if you need anything then call me" with that he got up kissed her on the forehead and gave her shoulder a reassuring squeeze before leaving Bernie to her thoughts.

She couldn't understand how this had happen she needed to know why she thought back to the start of the day. Oh how she wished she was back there again

13 hours earlier

*buzzz* *buzzz*

Bernie groaned as she heard the not so delightful sound of her alarm as she turned it off she went to roll over to the other side of the bed only to be stopped by something in her way. When she looked down she was met by the wonderful sight of them beautiful brown eyes starting back at her. Without even saying anything one look was all that was needed as there lips met and they kissed passionately but with such love at the same time.

"Good morning my sexy major." Serena said a little breathless after that kiss.

"Well good morning my wonder life savour." They suddenly became aware that they were lay there in Bernie's bed both fully naked and there bodies pressed against each other.

"Well Wolfe you certainly know how to show a girl a good time last night was so much fun I want to do it all over again." She said winking as she did

"Well I have to please my lady don't I anyway you were pretty good last night too."

"Oh how I love you my big macho army medic I can't believe I get to wake up to you I can't believe I'm so lucky to have you I love you so much."

"I love you I couldn't imagine how my life would be if I had never crossed paths with you now How about we skip work and just stay here together I'm sure we will have much more fun here" Bernie said with a seductive look

They again l locked lips but this time it was much more passion and there hands roamed each other.

"As…much …. As I'd love to just stay here with you we're can't leave our family without there mothers now can be darling." They we're both panting for breaths While there lips locked again neither wanted to break the kiss but they eventually parted looking deep into each other's eyes.

"Major if were quick we will have time for a shower if we go now and as I stress I'd we are quick now go." They bother jumped up and almost ran to the shower where they shared a rather steamy shower and once they were finished they got dressed.

Within another 30 mins the were both ready and heading out the door in hand and hand both feeling loved they both never felt like this before that it was exciting and knew they loved it they didn't care who saw them as they were happy and that was all that mattered. The drive to work they were still hand in hand they would both be starting at the other and telling them self's they were lucky to be togther by that time they got to the hospital thye were gutted as it meant they were no longer in this bubble of just the two of them.

Once parked Serena made to get out the car but was stopped when Bernie pulled on her arm and pulled her into a long lingering kiss it felt like the world stopped around them. once they had pulled apart no words were needed as they told each other with there eyes how much they loved one and other.

*bang* *bang* the sudden shock of someone banging on the car pulled them out of there trans they looked to see that Jason was stood on the drivers side knocking on the window they both got out and greeted him.

"hello auntie Serena , Bernie how are you today."

"we are very well how come you are here I thought you werent on shift today." Serena asked a little confused at why he was here.

"oh I'm not I just needed to pick something up from my locker on my way to see Alan."

"oh okay then I guess we will see you later."

"goodbye auntie Serena , Bernie."

Once they had walked into the hospital Serena went straight to the ward while Bernie got there coffees to start the day off properly. She was hoping that it was just going to be a quiet day on AAU and hopefully the red phone wouldn't ring as she had some paperwork to finish and she was still recovering from last night so a nice office day was just what she needed but she knew that she wouldn't know what the day was going to bring.

Once in the life she was almost praying to be greeted with a nice quiet ward as the life dinged she took a deep breath the doors opened to reveal a surprising AAU ward much to Bernie's delight she got out the lift and went bounding towards her office hoping Serena was in there.

Once inside the office she was greeted by a pleasant sight of Serena with her head in the filling cabinet while her gorgeous arse was sticking up in the air it was a sight to take Bernie's back a bit .noticing that Serena hadn't head her she gently put the coffee's down and quietly walked towards her where she grabbed Serena arse causing her to jolt in shock and bang her head in the process.

"oww" was all that was heard before Serena spun around to playfully hit Bernie on the arm.

"oh my I am so sorry Ms Campbell I have no idea what came over me I just saw you and couldn't control my self do you require any medical attention." Bernie teased

"well I am not sure this is appropriate work place conduct I might have to sanction you Ms Wolfe but firt I would like you to kiss my head better I do believe this is the best treatment option."

"well as I am a doctor I would like to treat you so a kiss would be satisfactory and maybe you should punish me." Bernie said with a wink

They had both forgotten that they were in work both caught up in sexual tension. Bernie slowly put her hands on Serena's head and gently kissed the spot in which she hit her head lingering for a while before pulling away and looking into Serena's eyes.

"thank you Ms Wolfe I feel better already now you punishment is that you are going to have kiss my now."

Serena couldn't think of anything more then kissing Bernie.

Just as Bernie was inches from Serena's lips the gap closing ever so quickly.

*ring* *ring*

The dreaded red phone started to ring they pulled apart quickly as Bernie sprang into action picking up the phone and finding out what they were going to be dealing with.

"major RTC on route 4 victims 2 critical and 2 not so much."

Serena nodded as the both went to inform the rest of the team.

Present time

Bernie sobbed as she recalled the last time she kiss Serena the last time they were alone in the very spot that she was now sitting her emotions got to much as she started to hit the filing cabinet repeatedly denting it to the point where her hand was full of blood and she could no longer feel anything in her hand. The pain didn't even register it just made her feel even worse. Sitting in there office made her feel worse all the memories they had shared all the kisses and sly hand holding when they knew no one was looking.

She couldn't sit there anymore she just got up and ran no idea where she was going she just needed to get out of this room this ward where they had spent most of there time together. She went to the one place where she hadn't expected herself to go as she stood outside the door and read the sign that read the same thing over and over again she wasn't quite sure why she was there.

The sign read morgue.

This was one place no one ever wanted to be she had only been there once before and that was when a patient had needed support on seeing a loved one. She wasn't quite sure why she had came but she had not really thought about where she was going she just needed to get away from the memoirs but she knew deep down that she just wanted to see her Serena one last time even if she wasn't ready.

Just as she was about to push the door open she felt someone clasped her hand she was surprised when she saw who it was.

"nobody should do this alone." The words of fletch as he stood at her side supporting her.

Bernie didn't say anything just started ahead at the door

When she was ready again she pushed open to door and was greeted by the medical examiner who explained what was going to happen and that there would be a small wait while they got her ready he led them to a small room where they would wait before he came to collect them again. Bernie had listened to him but hadn't really takin it all in she was just scared of what she was going to see if this would change her image of Serena forever what if every time she thought of her all she saw was her Serena lying on a cold metal table lifeless.

After a short wait he returned again.

"are you ready Ms Wolfe."

Bernie just nodded and they made there way to see her.


	2. Chapter 2

"oh god no"

Even though she knew deep down that she was gone she was hoping there had been a mistake that somehow they had got it wrong it couldn't be her Serena that was gone it just coudnt. But seeing her cold pale lifeless face lay on the cold metal slab in the was to much yet she couldn't look away as much as it pained her to look she didn't want to look away. This was the last time she would see her the last time she could be able to touch her even if she was cold and not really there.

"can...can I touch her."

"yeah but I have to warn you it wont feel like It used to." The Dr said

Bernie inched forward and let go of fetch's hand to be able to touch her. When she got within Arm's length she just froze not being able to move but she had to no she wanted to touch her one last time even if it wouldn't be like touching her Serena.

"is there any chance I ca be left alone for a few moments."

"yeah we will be just outside." Within moments they were alone and Bernie began to sob as she reached out and held Serena's hand wincing at how cold she felt.

"oh Serena how am I going to go on without you I cant bare the thought of life without you. I waited all my life to find you and now your gone and I am all alone again. Why why you out of everyone in that room why did it have to be you why not some else why me am I being punished for cheating on Marcus coz if I am this isn't fair you don't deserve this it should have been me not you me."

She was overcome by the crying as she et out all the emotions she had been holding for the past few hours. Once she had tried to console her self she looked at Serena's face and noticed there was a stray piece of hair that had fell on her face reaching up she tucked the stray piece behind her ear and kissed her on the forehead.

"you look so peaceful I wish you were just sleeping and were being stubbon and refusing to wake up please wake up my love please I can't do this not without you."

Feeing the emotions rising up she had to release them so swinging round she turned and kicked the nearby chair causing it smash into the wall. At the sound Fletch came running in and grabbed bernie holding her while she sobbed telling her to breath as she suddnely found it difficult to get oxygen to her lungs.

"ho...w … can...i breath …...wi...th...out ….. her it... see..ms ."

"I know its hard I know I have been there it will get easier im not going to say it will all be fine as I know it wont but you can learn to live with the pain."

"its not fair Fletch its not fair I need to know what happened how did this happen to her she was so innocent."

"I know the only other person that can tell you what happened is jasmine and she is still unconscious we don't know what went on in there trust me I will get you answers as we all want them too your not alone in this."

"I am I don't have her in my life anymore I am more alone now then ever didn't even get to say goodbye not properly anyway oh I cant deal with this."

 **10 hours earlier**

"Bernie will you scrub in while I deal with the less major cases" Serena said

"yeah sure but I may need you in theatre if it gets to much."

"okay well page me if it is important and I will be right there darling."

As that the doors to AAU came crashing open with man who looked to have sustained major trauma both women went straight into action just as Bernie went running in to theatre Serena shouted her.

"see you on the over side" this was a running thing they did when ever something looked very complicated whoever was staying behind would always shout that to the other so they knew that they could get through it.

This was the last time they spoke to each other in person.

 **Present time**

After recalling the last time she saw Serena and actually spoke to her just made Bernie's heart ache even more it felt more painful.

"I was in theatre for 3 hours how did it all happen in that time well at least most of why didn't know one notice or get me maybe I could of helped her."

"well there was a message we received that said don't tell her so no one told you as its what Serena said plus we knew that man wouldn't survive without you I'm sorry we didn't know it was going to pan out like this we thought we were just listening to Serena."

"that wasn't her call to make I should have been there she died alone in those moments she didn't have me by her side do you know how that makes me feel instead of me being there with her that sick man was not me him"

Bernie couldn't take it anymore she had to get out she needed space she didn't want to leave Serena but she would come back she couldn't not now she needed answers and she knew exactly where to find them.


	3. Chapter 3

"I'm sorry we did everything we could"

"I'm sorry we did everything we could"

"I'm sorry we did everything we could"

"I'm sorry we did everything we could"

"I'm sorry we did everything we could"

These 7 words were all that were going round and round Bernie's head and every time it felt like the first time she was told and her hear shattered a thousands pieces. She was still running not really thinking about where she was going but her legs having a mind of there own and taking her somewhere deep down she knew where she was going she just didn't want to go there well she did but.

She came to a stop outside Keller knowing full well who she was here to see pushing the door open again her feet to over her mind briefly having an input to look at the patient chart to see where she needed to go she wasn't surprised when she read Private room next to her name.

Once she had the information off she went again standing out side the room she stopped and looked in seeing a unconscious Jasmine burrow lying on the bed she was the last person other then that sicko to see her Serena alive she needed answers even if she had to sit next to her for hours and wait until she would as she didn't understand why this had happened how she needed to know. The last thing she can remember is hearing shouts coming from outside theatre but not moving as she had a patient who needed saving. She would never forget the scene she walked into when leaving Theatre it was like a blood bath.

After finally getting the energy to push the door open she was stopped when someone placed there hand on her shoulder she flinched and turned round ready to attack going into army mode only to be greeted by the last person she expected to see her.

"Ms Wolfe I am so sorry for your loss." Said the normally heartless jac Naylor

Bernie couldn't speak she was lost for words at the kindness jac had offered

"were you going in to see Jasmine only I don't think that's a good idea."

"why not I need answers and she's the only one that can give them me so I am going to wait till she's is awake any way what do you care you barely even speak to her."

"look I know your upset I get that but you cant just pounce on her the minute she is conscious and I know I have been a crappy sister but I have come to realize that she actually means a great deal I was so worried when I heard about what was happening so look I am going to sit with her until she wakes and I promise that I will page you or come and get you when she is strong enough to give you the answers you are looking for."

"I... right yes I suppose you are right sorry I ..just …. yeah."

With that she turned and headed back to well she didn't know where she was going again her feet took over with her mind being 10 steps behind.

There were exactly 158 stairs which lead to the roof she knew as she had counted with every foot step needing to concentrate on something other then the pain in her heart. Once she had reached the top she just turned around and made her way back down counting again as to be sure she didn't miss anything. She had already walked up and down 4 times but who was counting. She had no idea what the time or even what day it was nothing seemed important now she was gone her whole world had shattered and now she did not see the point in it.

Bernie was so lost and she had the right to she had just lost he soul mate but as Hansen watched her walk up and down the stairs multiple times he felt he should do something but he didn't know what he could imagine the pain she was in and he himself couldn't offer her the answers she so desperately deserves no one knew what truly went on in that room but he could at least find out what had lead up to that happening. He pulled out his phone and dialled.

"Hello its Hansen here I want all the staff who were on shift to write down what happened today we all owe to MS Wolfe to find out what happened."

"well most of the staff have gone home sir."

"I don't care a friend and colleague has died so I think they should at least be able to come back for w few hours so we can get to the bottom and make sure nothing like this happens again. If anyone tries to argue make sure they know if they don't come in then they are fired do I make my self clear I want all the report on my desk within 4 hour at the latest. Oh and make sure I am notified the second doctor burrows wakes up"

Hansen him self was sad and angry Serena had been his friend and he admired her she was brilliant doctor and a even better person he just hoped he would be able to find the answers that Bernie needed before she did something herself.

"Ms Wolfe how about you come with me to my office we can sit."

Bernie didn't say anything she just turned around and made her way back up the stairs to where he stood and once he started to walk towards his office she followed suit.


End file.
